Thoughts are not facts…

I remember when I first came across that sentence… It’s one of those things that - set against a backdrop of anxiety - is so powerful that it has stayed with me ever since.

Paradoxically, it’s also a sentence that you can repeat to yourself as many times as you like when you are in “that” place, and yet it seems to do little to alleviate the immediate anxiety,  even though you know it makes complete sense. I’m no expert, but I suspect that this may have something to do with what I refer to as very your own, inner PI (problem is) person. We all have one and at times of anxiety, they seem to work overtime to create an unpleasant aura based on little more than pretext and supposition. Whilst you are busy trying to reassure yourself and be rational, they are peppering your thoughts with “ah, but what if it is true. This could happen, that could happen. Can you imagine how bad it could be…”. They also seem to be masterful timekeepers too, often sowing the seed of doubt during times of vulnerability where overthinking has taken hold, and or when you are alone, or in the middle of the night.

So, how do you silence your PI  person and try to diminish that anxiety? Well, it will vary as to what is most effective for each person but here are a few things that spring to mind.

Thank you for being a friend

I’m sure it’s an age thing, but my definition of friendship has changed over the years, which has meant that my circle of friends has become smaller but I’d like to think, more refined. When I think of my friends, I think of words like supportive, attentive, authentic, non-judgemental, honest, intuitive, and astute to name but a few. Sometimes, you may think that a random message from your friends just checking in is just that, and your unconvincing “I’m fine” means your friend is arranging a visit or a call, with little chance of you being able to decline it. That’s not a coincidence – that’s your friends watching out for you. They just know you, without you having to say a word, or mention a thing. In short, your friends are an essential part of your anti-Pi campaign. Embrace them, love them and pay it forward. You tend to get what you give.

PI to P off

If you are able to counter your Pi person to the point of telling them to, um, go away, you are on to a good thing.

To the earlier point, one good way to do this is knowing that your friends and family are around you, accessible, and that you are comfortable enough to reach out. Not wanting to bother people won’t cut it and to your real friends, that approach won’t work.  If however, you have friends who don’t fall into the above genre, or whose response encourages negativity, or whose default narrative aligns more with their own personal agenda rather than yours, or worse still they belittle what you are going through or tell you that it’s not as bad as what they’ve been through, and those socks are made for pulling up, then you have a problem. If that resonates, you should be brave and bold, and walk away. Whilst that may sound draconian, once you’ve worked out what friendship means to you, and take the decision to take action, you will be all the better for doing it. Surround yourself with the right people – they will help make you a better version of yourself.

Take solace from a stranger

Have you ever received a comment or a gesture from a stranger just at a time when you needed it, and left wondering where that came from? It could be Heaven sent, or perhaps it was because your mind wanted to notice it, but either way, it never fails to work. In a world where you’d be forgiven for thinking everyone is terrible, don’t believe it. There are a lot of good and great people out there. The value of being kind shouldn’t be underestimated. It's free, easy, and highly impactful.

Importantly, this also applies to your time at work. You don’t need to be the best friend but at the same time you won’t be a complete stranger. However, a good leader or a colleague or a fully functioning and effective team, should be able to spot an off day or when a colleague is a little out of kilter. A good team will notice and create the right environment. This approach shouldn’t be contrived. It needs to be genuine and part of a human response, rather than a “work” one. It doesn’t need to be overt either, but moreover respectful and appropriate of the situation. The subtlety of the response is sometimes the most powerful one.

Don’t fly solo

To be clear, all of the above could help with certain levels of anxiety, but it won’t with all, so whatever the situation, please reach out and remember never to  fly solo. I believe in the power of the human spirit and that by taking care of ourselves, and each other, our overall journey is easier all around.

Take care.